CJP's

there was a time when I immediately needed to take you with me and there wasn't much of an option except to pout and throw my balled up fists into the air. you wouldn't come but you had good reason. i stopped half way home and called you to tell you that i almost died on the fucking freeway and i asked you to come get me so we could get a hotel together again. i wanted to lay with you all afternoon under the cool covers, smoky curtains drawn and free movies on the tv. cigarettes were at an arms length and our cokes were watery with melted ice from the ice machine down the hall and by the dirty pool and steaming hot tub. i just wanted you dude. i wanted you to come give a shit about me but you told me to breathe in and out and to drive home the rest of the way and that made me cry. as i slammed down the phone and got back in the car, i cursed the fact that i loved you. i hated the fact that i didn't have you all the time. i sat in the drivers seat to imagine all the ways i'd break up with you, and how i'd yell that you didn't give a shit about me dying (?!?) and that now we were over, fucking done, and then I saw that you'd written "i ♥ you" in the dust on my window. goddamn you.